How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
