i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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