he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
