Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
