I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
