i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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