if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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