last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
