you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
