She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
