oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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