she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He better not be in your backpack
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
