Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
