xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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