I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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