At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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