whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
