So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize