Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
