I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
