just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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