My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
