I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My balls are so social today.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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