I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
