oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
