apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
