last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
