I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
