I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
