why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
