The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
