Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize