in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
