does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize