hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
