Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
