the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
