What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
