hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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