meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
