Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
