bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
