Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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