i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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