Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
