If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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