i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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