It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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