its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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