i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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