careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
