he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
