Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
