I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
