No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
