just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
