I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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