I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
