I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
