But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
