my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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