dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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