I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
