At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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