i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
