So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
