Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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