you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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